It was Friday morning. Friday mornings are the worst mornings of the week. You know it’s almost weekend, but there’s still a full eight hours of work between you and 2 days of bliss, peace and quiet. Relatively speaking, of course.
This morning was no different. I always get up quite early, so I can enjoy a cup of morning coffee before the nagging starts. Just as I was about to wash away that thought with another sip of my Columbian blend, Nadia walked down the stairs and started cursing at the paper boy. I knew he probably threw the morning paper in a puddle of mud again. Without the plastic bag, of course. I was considering taking up a side-job as mailman and do the same to his monthly ‘Mega gamer’ magazine. Tomorrow morning, I’d talk to that loon Michaels about his son’s disrespect.
In the meantime, Nadia had gone to help Pewter poop on the toilet. You had to hand it to her, she was a mother in body and soul. In the 10 years of his existence, Pewter had never been able to sit on the toilet without flushing himself. After having to call the plumber a few times, Nadia decided to stay with him until he would finally learn. About 10 minutes later, he stood next to the breakfast table, where I was drinking my coffee. I turned to him and gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. He giggled and punched me straight in the face. After my nose had stopped bleeding, I made a mental note to not give him friendly punches anymore. It hurts.
“Ready for school, son?” I asked him in the tone of what I imagined a proud father would sound like. He started jumping frantically and laughed out loud. I took that as a ‘yes’. Then, his eyes widened and he spread his arms. “Big poop!” he shouted. A sigh escaped my lungs. One step at a time, Eugene, one step at a time.
I went to the front door to pick up the soaking wet paper that Nadia had brought in. What a waste, now I can’t read about the world’s disasters. That way, mine would seem insignificant. When I picked up the rest of the mail, I suddenly noticed a letter from the publisher of adult magazines I work for. Would this be my long-awaited promotion to editor-in-chief? I anxiously brought the letter back to my seat at the breakfast table and put it down in front of me. I hastily opened the envelope and the shock of what I saw almost made me collapse. The publisher had gone bankrupt and therefore I was out of a job, starting now. A big publisher of adult magazines went bankrupt? What, did people stop jerking off or something?
When Nadia appeared in the kitchen, I showed her the letter. She hugged me and told me that it’s just the time of crisis these days, that people all over the world were losing their jobs. I was surprised. I thought she’d be all worked up about the bankruptcy, thinking how we could ever get by in terms of financial means. I looked at Pewter, who’d started making breakfast. In this case, it involved cereal with lots of prune juice.
While Pewter was enjoying his self-made meal, Nadia took me to the living room, where we sat down on the couch. She told me the board of executives of the company she worked part-time at suggested her as a commercial manager to the company president. Now that we’d need the money to get by, she told me she’d take the full-time job. Yet again, I was pleasantly surprised. At least we wouldn’t have to worry about our financial situation. I told her that I was very proud of her and that she should accept the offer while it was still there.
A few minutes later, Nadia had already gleefully gone to work after asking me to make Pewter a lunchbox and take him to school. I sank back into the couch. Something was puzzling me. This wasn’t like my usual Friday morning. I could feel a smile forming on my face. “I could get used to this”, I mumbled to myself. Suddenly, a heavy moan came from the kitchen. A foul stench invaded my sense of smell. My eyes sprang wide open. The puzzle pieces fell into place.