Dear Diary V – The Word Is Not Enough

Dear diary,

It’s been a while since I last took the time to jot down my musings. But the world has changed for the worse and as such it’s up to me to once again embark on a literary crusade to pound some sense into it.

Lately, I’ve been jumping on the ‘TikTok’ hype train. I know what it is and since this is my secret, private diary that no other motherfucking living soul will ever dare to read or so help them god, I shouldn’t have to explain what it is. But there’s a good chance I’ll want to revisit my memoires when I’m old and senile so I can remember names and stuff, so I’ll do it anyway.

TikTok is one of the most controversial apps for mobile phones in the world, right now. Governments even fear that it’s a means for the Chinese government to gather personal data of people (what are they gonna do, confront us with our browsing history?). Trump even wants to ban the app in the USA, but we’re talking about a man who wanted to decrease the amount of COVID19 infections by testing less, so…

Moreover, TikTok is an app that lets people upload videos and focuses on ‘trends’. As such, you’ve got two kinds of people on TikTok – pififul simpletons and genuine comedians. There’s no inbetween. The pitiful simpletons post a load of shit from their life in order for people to feel sorry for them, or just post shit from their life that no-one, literally no-one, is interested in. Then there’s the misery. Oh, god, the misery. People make videos of their home without their spouse, who passed away [insert time period] ago. Or people with black-and-blue beaten faces because they got dickslapped by their partners for cheating on them. Why post this shit for the world to see?

Go. Go and seek help. Get a lobotomy. For fuck’s sake.


Then you have the genuine comedians. People who have the talent to draw out chuckles or even laughter. Talent to be creative. Talent for video editing. It’s one thing to know that you can be funny. It’s another to actually bring that talent to the screen in a way that other people recognize it. I’ll have to ‘follow’ the people with this content for future reference and to show it to my family (note to self – do NOT show Cookie without disclaimer). I hope they make it to a bigger medium to make fools of themselves, someday.

I don’t want to get too philosophical, though. In my opinion, they don’t have to ban the app on a national level. Just force TikTok to ban the pitiful simpletons, auto-refer them to the suicide prevention lifeline and hire the genuine comedians with a big paycheck. Everybody wins.

The doorbell rings. It’s Cookie, and I hear him yelling Pewter’s – shit – ‘Peter’s’ name in the hallway.

Almost forgot. Gotta write this down for the future generations… Cookie thought it would be a good idea to start a TikTok channel with my son for the sake of bonding. Can’t wait to see how far they’ll get with ‘P-man and C-man’ as their channel name. Pronounce that out loud.

I’d better go greet Cookie and steer this venture into the right direction.

The word’s just not enough.