Dear Diary III – The Meaning Of Life

Dear Diary,

Humans are pathetic in a sense. In the middle ages, we followed kings who did not live to reign more than a few measily years. That didn’t help us a lot. You’d think we’d learn by letting some dickhead rule and then stuff himself with the finest nourishment those days had to offer, rape the country like any true tyrant would, and ultimately get poked with a sword because he simply was just another horny bastard with his dick buried in too many gold coins (and beaver).

In the Victorian Age, we indulged ourselves in even more decadent behavior, fucked until our dicks fell off (literally) and bathed just about… oh, once every year. Why? Because every man knows a lady is attracted to them because of natural pheromones. Of course there was no superstition involved. Bathing would be hazardous to ones health? Shit, who would believe such bull back in the day…
Humans have shown lemming-like behavior since the beginning of time. Following the examples given above, these modern times aren’t all that different. Ever heard of the term ‘religious fanatics’? No? Well then, you must have been born under a fucking rock, sir.

That aside, commerce takes care of our biggest source of propaganda these days. Forty years ago, music stirred up a revolution. Sure, parents thought it was crap back then, but when we look back now it was all about the music – and only the music. Now, we all think Lady Gaga is fucking hot because some clever marketing department at a bigshot music production company tells us she is.

Can all the horny, pickle-covered young men please remove their hands from their pants to whack themselves on the head?

Thank you.

Hey! Picklehead! Cite me an entire lyric from her newest album without a single mistake. Can’t do it? It’s because she appears naked in music videos, humping everything that doesn’t climb up into the nearest tree quickly enough, that you buy her CDs. I’m jealous of that marketing department. I wish I could turn Nadia into a horny minx just like that sometimes.

Getting off topic, sorry. Moving on.

Dear diary, you’ll probably ask yourself now, ‘what the hell is that guy talking about?’ I’ll tell you. In the old days, people couldn’t think for themselves so they turned to superstition and the church. Nowadays, people still can’t think for themselves because they follow every fucking word a celebrity writes on their goddamn twitter account. I should know, I’m one of those people (Neil Patrick Harris,  you rock!!).


It’s time we started thinking for ourselves. Stop letting those marketing departments lead your life and push you into a direction that makes you believe you did good spending your hard-earned money on cheesy, sex-drenched music. Have sex instead. It’s nice, take it from me. You should try it sometime.

What is the meaning of life? This question has plagued us for as long as we can stand up straight and do more than just scratch our crotches. I’ll let you in on a secret: life only has meaning if you give it meaning yourself. So get out there, fuck a tree, hug a squirrel and smoke weed.

If that’s your thing.

If not, then you’re on your own.

God, it felt good just ranting from out of the blue.