*Record scratch*, *freeze frame*
See that naked man jumping off the balcony?
Yep, that’s me. You are probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Well, to make any sense of all this, we have to go back a few minutes.
As I walk into the room, I see a huge cage with a rabbit inside it. Strange, I always thought Eugene wanted a dog. What use is a rabbit? All it does is eat and fuck. I wonder, maybe Eugene finally found his spirit animal.
“A rabbit? No dog?”
“Yes. And no.”
“That’s something else… Does it understand you, as a dog would?
“I don’t know. I hope so.”
Crouching in front of the cage I look at the little fluffball. ‘ Looks like this year’s Christmas dinner is set.’
“It looks pretty smart.”
“It does, doesn’t it? Not sure, though. I think it’s still getting used to his new home.”
“Moose.” Eugene replies with a little sigh. “Y’know, cause he’s tuff.”
I smile and nod. ‘ Good name, good naming your future dinner’ I think.
As I straightened, my left arm starts to itch. Scratching I stated asking Eugene some more questing about this weird pet choice.
“So… you’re gonna train him, right? To do tricks and stuff? Fetch things, maybe? How will you start?”
Eugene opens the cage to let Moose out and shrugs. “Not sure. I think I’ll go with the flow. Let him discover what he’s capable of and pick it up from there. Draw water from the source, so to speak.”
I sit down and look at the little guy running around some obstacle course Eugene had made. Seeing it sniffing stupidly at pieces and bumping his head I finally realize.
It’s a replacement for Pewter! Eighteen years their son Pewter has been the center of their lives. All this time taking care of their son’s misfits and stupid actions.
“You okay John?”
“Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“The clever little rabbit get you right in the feels?”
“A bit. I admit” I response. As Eugene wryly smiles at me, I feel tears roll down my face.
I grab my hankie and wipe away the tears. I look at the fluffball again to see it run a bit and stumble over its own legs, tumbling over. Seeing it look around confused reminded me of the time Pewter was at the skating ring for the first time. The boy just could not stand for more than 10 seconds on his feet before falling over. He had the same look on his face every time he got up again. Unable to comprehend what was happening.
As I think about the similarities between Moose and Pewter, the little guy suddenly jumps on my lap. As I pet it, tears start rolling down my face again. Confused about this weird emotional outburst of mine I grab my hankie again. Then suddenly my left arm and face also start to itch. Like tiny bugs crawling over my skin the itching spreads over my entire body.
The next few minutes where like hell. With the itching going to unimaginable levels, Eugene laughing. And Nadia screaming at the sight of seeing me. After yelling at her a few times, finally she managed to understand my pleas for some baking soda. Between the scratching I manage to pull my shirt off. Meanwhile Nadia starts throwing the baking soda over me, like a rich guy would throw dollar bills at a stripper.
Nadia follows me as I make my way towards the bathroom upstairs. Somehow, I am able to take off my shoes and unzip my pants. Soon I find myself laying in the bathtub. Only wearing socks and shorts while my arms, legs, body and face are covered in a paste of baking soda.
Nadia turns on the faucet. As the water rises, slowly the itching starts to fade away.
With my vision also returning I watch Nadia clear up the mess she made. I mean, I just wanted baking soda. I never said she had to throw it all over me.
“Even with Pewter gone, we still manage to create a mess.” I say.
“We?” Nadia replies.
“When is he off to Afghanistan” I ask, quickly changing the subject.
“He’ll be off on a mission very soon John” Nadia replies softly.
“He’ll be alright.” I say trying the comfort her. “It’s the Army. He’s just being sent away in the prime of his life, to a sunny place. Where he has to live on a secured compound. For months. Living and sleeping with other guys. Who all miss their wife or girlfriend. What can go wrong?”
“Thanks, John.” Nadia says while standing in the doorway. “Towels are in the closet. Top shelf. Is there anything else you need help with? Or are you ok now?”
“Well” I answer. “There is one spot that still itches. I could use a hand with that.”
In silence Nadia looks at me.
Amused at her reaction, I put my hands behind my head and make myself comfortable in the tub. With a smile I wait. Nadia slowly moves her hair behind her back and straightens it.
“Oh” She says in a lustful voice.
Walking towards the tub rolling the sleeves of her blouse up, she continues. “Maybe a kiss would also do the trick?” I look at her as she stands next to me at the tub hovering over me. Thoughts race through my mind trying to come up with something witty. I mean she can’t really? Can she? Can I?
I no longer feel any itching as I look at Nadia. She looks so beautiful. I see her biting her lip as she takes a look at my pants.
Before I am able to finish my sentence, she grabs my shorts and pulls them down. Quickly pulling them further down my legs towards my feet. The action making me slide down the tub having my head go under water.
I can feel her remove my shorts while holding onto one leg. My head still underwater, arms stuck under me. I desperately try to get my head out of the water so I can breathe again. Nadia calmly removes one socks and then the other while keeping me under water. Finally getting what is going on, I stop struggling.
As she finally lets go of my ankle’s, I manage grab the sides and try to push myself up. The baking soda makes everything slippery, causing me to lose grip, and slide back under water again. I try to push myself up from under water but fail miserably. Like some sort of eel I slither in the tub going head under water every time. For what seemed like an endless struggle, Nadia finally grabs my arms and pull me up. Sitting in the tub coughing I flinch as Nadia touches the skin between my shoulders with her finger. With a quick, hard flick she trusts her fingernail over my skin. A shiver followed by a burst of pain goes through my body. “There, better?”
Still coughing I look at Nadia as she laughs and starts picking up my socks and short. “ I’ll wash these. I’ll go ask Eugene if there are some clothes left you can wear. If there are, I’ll place them on Pewter’s bed.”
Trying to put up a stern face she says. “ And you better behave the rest of the day, don’t make me punish you like I do Pewter”.
“Yes, Ma’ am.” I answer. “And you better clean this room before you leave” As I touch my back trying to see if I am actually bleeding, Nadia smiles and leaves the room.
Looking at my fingers and seeing no blood I let out a sigh of relieve. ‘When will you learn John?’ I think to myself.
After resting a bit and washing myself I get out of the tub. Looking at the mirror I see the rash is gone. Apart from a few scratch marks. Specially the one between my shoulders, my skin looks ok. Thankfully the itching is also gone.
Getting a towel, I dry myself and when done wrap it around my waist. I look around at the mess the bathroom is in. Having felt the wraith of the lady of the house. It is best to do as promised.
Some time later I drop the last of the towels on a heap in de corner. Satisfied with the result, I straighten the towel around my waist and walk towards Pewter’s room. I open the door and go inside. I look around and smile as I see a Dragonmaster poster hanging on the wall above his bed.
Looking at his bed I only see a picture of an anime girl on his sheets, but no clothes. “Hmm, guess I’ll have to wait.” Pondering on the girl that was on his sheets I walk toward to open balcony doors. Standing on the balcony I look at Eugene’s backyard. I see no one. As I gaze in front of me I see what look like some pet toys scattered throughout the yard. At the back towards the low fence I see their huge barbeque. I laugh quietly. “Who said we have to wait till Christmas”.
Suddenly I notice Eugene’s neighbor, Barry sneaking through his yard with a cardboard box above his head. Frowning I follow him as I try to comprehend what he is doing. Then I notice the white fluffy object in the middle of his yard. “Fuck me.” I hover over the balcony looking down hoping to spot Eugene or Nadia. No such luck. I look at Barry again who is getting closer and closer towards Moose unaware of the danger he is in.
“ Don’t you fucking dare Barry” I shout.
Startled, Barry stops moving and starts looking around. A shock as he sees me standing on the balcony. “Stay away from me you psycho. That ‘thing ‘ is on my property.”
“ I am warning you Barry, don’t you dare do it.”
He smirks. “Ha! What are you gonna do about it?”
Moose is still happily nibbling on the grass as Barry sets another step towards him.
In a flash I remember the trouble Barry causes with his arrogant rich elite attitude. The times we accidently threw a ball in his yard. Just to see it eagerly confiscated and destroyed by him. The times I had to calm down Nadia as Barry had tricked Pewter’s into doing something stupid or dangerous again. Or Eugene when Barry had been taken awkward picture of Nadia. Not to mention I still had a score to settle with him for that ‘ one’ time.
I take two steps back and lunge forward. “Barry!” I shout. As the towel falls off my waist I jump over the railing. Falling down I see Moose lift his head and look at me. I touch the ground and roll forward to break the fall. I quickly get on my feet and continue the run towards Barry and Moose. For a moment it seems as Moose is studying me. Just as Barry is about the put the box down on Moose, it lifts it’s head and suddenly hops toward me. Barry curses as the box misses Moose.
Maybe the little guy did recognize me. Maybe bunnies really are smart. But Moose continues to hop towards me, his eyes shining bright as having the time of his life. I hear Eugene and Nadia’s voices somewhere behind me as I dash forward towards the fence and Moose. For them it probably looked like a scene from some weird Nickelodeon show. Maybe they had seen Moose, maybe not. Still. Two man running at each other, screaming, one naked. Not something you see every day.
Reaching the fence, Moose now only a few inches away on the other side. I see Barry make a desperate last leap towards Moose. In a split second I see Moose accelerate and jump. Initially wanting to jump over the fence I decide to also leap forward. Crashing with my shoulder first into the fence, I see Moose jump through the fence into my arms. At the same time on the other side Barry crashes into the fence.
I get up sheering and triumphantly holding Moose above me in both hands. Barry slowly gets up cursing. A dented box in one hand while rubbing his face with the other.
Laughing I turn around putting my arms down. Halfway down the yard I see a confused Eugene looking at me. Next to him Nadia facepalms. I look at Moose and can’t help but feel a sense of happiness as he looks back at me with his cute face and long ears.
A familiar itch suddenly starts tingling around my groin.